I have mentioned before that I have been lucky to find a job that works perfectly around childcare availability and costs. The main difficulty of finding a job when you have young children is how restricted you are with availability. I am so glad that I managed to return to work just so I felt like I was bringing money into the house and it allows me to be a bit more financially independent. I would hate to have to rely on my other half for money, even if he was a millionaire and I knew we could afford it, it is important to me to have my own money. Just the physical act of getting smartly dressed and leaving the house to go and make a difference somewhere else is a nice self-esteem boost as well. A good excuse to buy some nice new clothes as well!
Although I am busy when I am at work it almost feels like a rest compared to being off with the little one. Now he is at an age where he is demanding and I am constantly planning my days around naps and snacks. When he is napping I am doing things around the house because I can’t relax unless I know it is tidy and the washing is all done. When he is awake we are running around doing errands and fitting in trips to the play park etc. It can be full on to have a day off. At least at work I can pee alone and drink hot coffee.
The way my brain is wired means I have to constantly be working towards something to be happy, earning more money, a promotion, completing work on the house, learning new skills, visiting new countries. Every part of my being seems to need to work so that I can take steps towards more things. In 10 years time I don’t want to feel like my life has just stood still for ten years. I want to be a good mum but I also want to be successful in life. I have this awful fear that if I mother a lot and work a little now, when Patrick is all grown up and doesn’t need me so much any more I will be lost because I have done nothing for myself for so long.
This is another reason I started blogging, it just something for myself, a hobby that doesn’t involve anyone else in my life, just myself and I hope that it will continue to grow.